My Fellow Americans!

Four Score and Seven, uh, days* ago, Master Yoda and myself devised a plan.
March 14, 2014, a day which will live in (not) infamy, we carried out that plan and ventured across this vast country of ours, shaking hands, hugging babies, and holding town hall meetings in order to achieve one thing: a Presidential Victory! We set out with an abundance of courage and determination; of confidence in our platform and of the conviction in the American people to do what is right. Our platform is as follows (spoken softly but while carrying big sticks):

1. Anti-poverty: We don't like poverty because, well, who does?
2. Pro-education: Rarely is the question asked: "Is our children learning"?
3. Redistribute defense budget: Some old guy told us to watch out for this "military-industrial complex" thing.
4. NASA: Because where would we be without memory foam mattresses and water filters?
5. Abolitionists: If slavery is not wrong, nothing is wrong.
6. Agriculture reform: Because soy subsidies are forcing innocent people to eat chicken curry in an Texas Arby's.
7. Heath care reform: Dude, that system is broken.

These are not Republican issues. These are not Democratic issues. These are American issues. We must reach across the aisle to be successful. Which is why we ran as Independents. (Also, there was a little mishap with getting our paperwork through, so we were also write-ins).

America, indeed, you have nothing to fear but fear itself as you have shown in voting for us time and again (because then either you truly have no fear, or are crazy).

God Bless America!

* Approximately

One Rock, Two Rock, Red Rock, Blue Rock

Sonic and I recently returned from an amazing road trip throughout the southwest of the USA. 

Anyone who has ever been out that way knows that there are a lot of rocks.

And if you read this blog, you know how much I like rocks.

So, we wrote a rock book.

Of course.

(the long hours in the car may have started getting to us...)

Kind of like Dr. Seuss' One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish...

 

except about rocks.

We call it One Rock, Two Rock, Red Rock, Blue Rock*.

One rock

two rock

red rock

blue rock*

    *more turquoise-ish

purple rock

white rock

yellow rock

black rock 

grey rock

multicolored rock

Let's be inclusive.

Rock n'roll!

hard rock 

(not the cafe)

soft rock 

(not Journey)

mixed rock 

(not mash ups)

new rock 

(not the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs)

old rock 

(not the Eagles)

ancient rock

prehistoric rock

lava rock

no post rock, 

but rock in post shape.

Shaped rock!

big rock

medium rock

small rock

tiny rock

minuscule rock

circular rock

square rock

rectangular rock

parallelogram rock

rhomboid rock

(we studied math)

broken rock

smashed rock

flat rock

sharp rock

dull rock

wind swept rock

rock eroded by water 

Speaking of water,

snow covered rock

rock that follows gravity

rock that defies gravity

rock with art*

   *really bad art

plain rock

rock from outer space

crumbly rock

hot rock

cold rock

pure rock

rock supporting life

rock deterring life

single rock

rock with companions

rock in the multitude

dry rock

wet rock

untouched rock

trampled rock

fields of rock

rock with bacteria waste

Need I say more?

But of course I will,

traveling rock

stationary rock

useless rock

useful rock

(sheet rock)

(wait, what?)

organized rock

rock in chaos

(by itself?)

striped rock

abused rock

loved rock

Rock Rock Rock

(Any offensive opinions expressed in this book are unintentional and cannot be blamed on any one person specifically. 

Sorry.

Also, the soap budget for the making of this book was exceeded. 

Please send soap donations to: 

We Need More Soap

333 Desert View Dr.

Grand Canyon AZ)

Blessed by Rocks

I have been blessed by rocks.

After the last post, I was given another gift of rocks.
The new ones are polished, colorful, stones with words on them such as Peace, Joy, Faith, Wisdom, Blessings, and Laugh.

 Kind of like the ones in this photo, but not the same.

I am grateful that the start of my ordained ministry has been filled with rocks.

It's earthy, grounded, incarnational.
Life is full of rocks, challenges which come and offer us opportunities and changes of direction.

God is here.
Even with the rocks.

Someday, I hope you would share some time with me,
and tell me the story of your rock,
your challenge,
your victory and failure,
just us
and our rocks.

There once was a rock...

Rocks are amazing things. 

They are created under pressure 

Or in intense heat

They crumble over ages, and ages, and ages

Destroyed daily by simple things like wind and water 

Picking away at the molecules

One by one

Until mountains of rock

Become the expansive beaches of sand

Undeniably amazing. 

Always, holding a rock is comforting

The solidity, the weight, the sheer confidence

I am a rock, this is what I am. 

From the smallest pebble to the largest mountain boulder

They claim reality

Even while remaining significantly impermanent

Changing daily in that never ending cycle we call life

Undeniably amazing. 

I have a few rock stories. 

But there is one that I wish to tell, here and now

It is about a rock that hit me on the head in the Atlantic Ocean. It's story hasn't finished, but our journey together has hit a critical moment, and this is where I saw God. 

A few days after my beloved previous boyfriend broke up with me, my parents took my sorry self to the Jersey shore. It was a lovely day, sand castles were built, some people got very burnt, we all had sand in our shoes, and I was hit on the head by this rock. I decided to keep the rock, for many reasons, mostly because I felt the desperate need for something solid to hold onto. Fitting nicely between my two hands, this rock fit the bill very well. I decided that as replacement therapy and moral support, I would carry around the rock for a while until I felt... better. 

Almost seven months later, I have still been carrying around the rock daily. While most days I do feel better, there are still days I don't and it's comforting to know I have something solid and real with me that isn't going to leave me. However, coming up on starting a new chapter, actually, a whole new era of my life, my spiritual director suggested I think about putting it down.

I have nowhere to put it, I told him. I'm moving in a few months and my house keeps changing. Thinking, I'm not ready, I don't want to, not yet please...

I stopped thinking about for a few days, the rock safely tucked in my pocket. 

Today, I received my second ordination gift. From my previous boyfriend's parents. 

A rock bowl. 

Specifically designed for keeping rocks which signify important moments in your life. Specifically coming with painted rocks to help you get started and to be added to. Specifically designed to be a home for the rocks which you put down. 

God, I see it. I see what you did there. 

Perhaps it's time to put the rock down. 

Self Monitoring Hospital Beds

Last night I was having a conversation with some friends and we got around to talking about trying to sleep in the hospital. When I worked as a chaplain in a hospital, sleeplessness was the number one complaint I heard. Most people find trying to sleep in hospitals with all the lights, beeps, wires, and interruptions terribly hard. As we were talking, I thought about the apps which monitor sleep while laying the device on the sleeping surface. What a research project it would be to put motion sensors on the inside of the top of the hospital air mattresses and then hook them up to the software which uses the sensory data from the detectors to track sleep cycles and pulse. This would mean a few less wires, lights, beeps, and interruptions for the hospital patients. Granted there are a number of other aspects of a patient's health and vitals which would need to be monitored throughout the night, but the more rest available for each patient may speed recovery time.

Obviously, this is not research that I could do at the moment, but my friends and I thought it was an interesting idea. Perhaps someone else is already doing this kind of research or will do this kind of research in the future. After all, even technology is able to help medicine occasionally. ;)