When you hear this phrase you can probably recite many of the succeeding lines. Yoda, Captain Reynolds, and myself did this a few days ago. However, the question was raised as to why there were three men in a tub. After further research we found more lines to the poem. There are many variations. This was our favorite:
Rub-a-dub-dub,
Three men in a tub,
And how do you think they got there?
The butcher, the baker,
The candlestick-maker,
They all jumped out of a rotten potato,
'Twas enough to make a man stare.
So, our question is more or less answered: they jumped out of a rotten potato. However, this raises many, many more questions. For instance, where is this rotten potato that is apparently large enough to hold three men? And why is there even one, let alone three, man subjecting himself to a mound of rottenness?
What is going on here?!
Laying Down the Law at Headquarters
Here at Headquarters we have a few rules.
Simple, Easy, and Concise I lay them out:
1. No Falling
This rule is imperative after the summer's horrific fall by Yoda off a mountain bike. Any more falling may result in tragedies with already hurt body parts or injuring new body parts, which would also be tragic and unacceptable.
The Consequence if a person falls is the horrific, the abominable, the execrable, the delectable, Death By Shirtless Biker.
2. No Exploding Brains
Obviously humans need their brains for normal functioning and thus, if a brain explodes it is no longer any use to the human attached. Everyone must keep their brain to themselves and in prime condition at all times.
The Consequence if a person allows their brain to explode is to suffer a ghastly and harrowing fall.
3. No Death By Shirtless Biker
This may seem a bit arbitrary to some folks, but the rule has its merits. One cannot said another has died with a straight face if the cause is a Shirtless Biker. And we are not discussing tunic-less chopper riders, we are particularly discussing shirtless velocipede riders.
The Consequence if a person dies by Shirtless Biker is to have their brain exploded by dynamite.
Simple, Easy, and Concise I lay them out:
1. No Falling
This rule is imperative after the summer's horrific fall by Yoda off a mountain bike. Any more falling may result in tragedies with already hurt body parts or injuring new body parts, which would also be tragic and unacceptable.
The Consequence if a person falls is the horrific, the abominable, the execrable, the delectable, Death By Shirtless Biker.
2. No Exploding Brains
Obviously humans need their brains for normal functioning and thus, if a brain explodes it is no longer any use to the human attached. Everyone must keep their brain to themselves and in prime condition at all times.
The Consequence if a person allows their brain to explode is to suffer a ghastly and harrowing fall.
3. No Death By Shirtless Biker
This may seem a bit arbitrary to some folks, but the rule has its merits. One cannot said another has died with a straight face if the cause is a Shirtless Biker. And we are not discussing tunic-less chopper riders, we are particularly discussing shirtless velocipede riders.
The Consequence if a person dies by Shirtless Biker is to have their brain exploded by dynamite.
Even as these Rules are laid out, there is room for more. What are we missing?
It Is Not Against The Rules To Use Mace In the Hallway...
It is amazing what one learns in college. Since I never thought I would be any kind of activist or uncooperative criminal, I thought for sure I was safe from knowing what breathing mace spray was like. Apparently I was wrong.
Last night the adventures of dorm living included learning that someone had accidentally sprayed some sort of pepper/mace in the hallway and then having to figure out how to clear the hallway of the offending chemicals.
For any of you that would really like to know, it smells strong, it burns your eyes and tickles/burns the back of your throat, can make you tear up and cough. Symptoms get worse depending on how close you are to the spray and where it enters your body.
This is one product we would like to offer some sage advice about:
Do not accidentally spray mace, pepper spray, or tear gas anywhere.
Just saying.
Last night the adventures of dorm living included learning that someone had accidentally sprayed some sort of pepper/mace in the hallway and then having to figure out how to clear the hallway of the offending chemicals.
For any of you that would really like to know, it smells strong, it burns your eyes and tickles/burns the back of your throat, can make you tear up and cough. Symptoms get worse depending on how close you are to the spray and where it enters your body.
This is one product we would like to offer some sage advice about:
Do not accidentally spray mace, pepper spray, or tear gas anywhere.
Just saying.
What do little birdies see if they get knocked unconscious?
Stars!!
Unfortunately I saw a problem with this simple answer. See when people are unconscious, they see birds, birds then see stars and when stars get knocked unconscious, they stop dancing. When they stop dancing, the gravitational pull changes. When the gravitational pull changes, people lose their balance and fall, birds lose their direction and run into things... kind of a domino effect.
Which made me think of a story I once took part in writing, you know if you give a moose a moon pie...
"If you give a moose a moonpie
she'll want some milk to go with it
she'll demand some honey, because that is an inalienable right
and then she'll want to make biscuits but
biscuits need sausage gravy
and so she'll have to go on a road trip to the south
so she'll want a pick 'em up truck
and then she'll need dark sunglasses and a nerf gun for pretend drive bys
and what's a pair of cheap sunglasses without a Hawaiian shirt?
in her stylish new hawaiian shirt she'll want a pina colada
but if you give a moose a pina colada, she'll want a cookie to go with it, macaroon perhaps
but with the macaroon, she'll need some water, and then she'll have to go to the bathroom, but
if she finds a lavatory, she'll want new shampoo and conditioner
then she'll take a shower but won't be able to find her hairbrush
and then various fruits and vegetables will burst into song at which point she will want voice lessons
but she won't have any money for voice lessons, so shell think about getting a job
but once she has a job, she'll want a new wardrobe
once she has a new wardrobe, she'll sit in it hoping to go to Narnia
once she gets back from Narnia, she'll be hungry
so she will want a moonpie..."
Unfortunately I saw a problem with this simple answer. See when people are unconscious, they see birds, birds then see stars and when stars get knocked unconscious, they stop dancing. When they stop dancing, the gravitational pull changes. When the gravitational pull changes, people lose their balance and fall, birds lose their direction and run into things... kind of a domino effect.
Which made me think of a story I once took part in writing, you know if you give a moose a moon pie...
"If you give a moose a moonpie
she'll want some milk to go with it
she'll demand some honey, because that is an inalienable right
and then she'll want to make biscuits but
biscuits need sausage gravy
and so she'll have to go on a road trip to the south
so she'll want a pick 'em up truck
and then she'll need dark sunglasses and a nerf gun for pretend drive bys
and what's a pair of cheap sunglasses without a Hawaiian shirt?
in her stylish new hawaiian shirt she'll want a pina colada
but if you give a moose a pina colada, she'll want a cookie to go with it, macaroon perhaps
but with the macaroon, she'll need some water, and then she'll have to go to the bathroom, but
if she finds a lavatory, she'll want new shampoo and conditioner
then she'll take a shower but won't be able to find her hairbrush
and then various fruits and vegetables will burst into song at which point she will want voice lessons
but she won't have any money for voice lessons, so shell think about getting a job
but once she has a job, she'll want a new wardrobe
once she has a new wardrobe, she'll sit in it hoping to go to Narnia
once she gets back from Narnia, she'll be hungry
so she will want a moonpie..."
- Yoda and the Jedi Master
Say what you will about the text message messing with culture, but sometimes the results are just amazing.
The Wonders of Paper Clips
For some of you, the wonders of paper clips and their immense value to society comes as no shock. You have used a paper clip as intended, you have created jewelry, picked locks, and defended yourself from attack with these little pieces of metal.
I have brought the paper clip to our attention here this morning, not because I make jewelry with paper clips, not because I use them to pick locks, or defend myself, or even because two years ago I fixed a women's bathroom stall in a college academic building and that paper clip is still holding strong in place, but because a fellow member of humanity this morning thought it fit to throw away a bunch of these wonders.
Frankly, I was appalled.
So, I wanted to bring the attention of all our esteemed readers to bear on the glory of paper clips today. Douglas Adams failed to understand the importance of paper clips in daily living and thus forgot to add that one should also always have a paper clip or two at the bottom of ones pockets, however we shall not ruin him for this mistake.
Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful day and remember to keep a paper clip near by!
I have brought the paper clip to our attention here this morning, not because I make jewelry with paper clips, not because I use them to pick locks, or defend myself, or even because two years ago I fixed a women's bathroom stall in a college academic building and that paper clip is still holding strong in place, but because a fellow member of humanity this morning thought it fit to throw away a bunch of these wonders.
Frankly, I was appalled.
So, I wanted to bring the attention of all our esteemed readers to bear on the glory of paper clips today. Douglas Adams failed to understand the importance of paper clips in daily living and thus forgot to add that one should also always have a paper clip or two at the bottom of ones pockets, however we shall not ruin him for this mistake.
Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful day and remember to keep a paper clip near by!
Political, Common Sensible, Environmental, Spiritual, Poetical, Responsible, Schnorkelgombical, etc Angst,
I'll let everyone who doesn't already know in on a little secret, I like mail. I like to get mail. I like to send mail. I like the whole concept of letters in the mail, writing to people, paper, pen, stamps. Its a big joking point in my family, they make fun on me because I like mail. Mail.
However,
there are some things I cannot stand.
Because of my summer run-in with a certain rock that broke my collarbone, I am now covered under the government. And while I normally keep my nose completely free of rants or angst against the government...
I have endured too much.
Every time they send me something in the mail, the first page contains only the office mailing address at the top, my mailing address, and the date.
All of which is in the same place on the second paper along with the letter.
Effectively rendering the first page completely blank and useless.
How irresponsible! How non-environmentally friendly! How unpoetical!
I Shall Not Stand For This Any Longer!!
We Shall March On Washington!
WHO IS WITH ME!?!
Why Don't Humans Get Dizzy From The World Spinning So Fast?
This here is an interesting question: Why Don't humans get dizzy from the world spinning so fast? At the equator, the world spins more than 1000 miles per hour, which is pretty darn fast. Here in the temperate zones, the world spins between 700-900 miles per hour. Fast enough to get a little dizzy every once in a while.
Luckily, I have found the scientific answer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R73yElC2BDc
watch the first 2:30 minutes and it will tell you.
(Raj slows it down when you do get dizzy; he is just nice like that)
Of course, if that answer is not romantic enough for you, Latro reminded me with the below, that there are some people in the world, spinning counterclockwise just to keep the Earth from going too fast.
http://xkcd.com/162/
Another day well spun, another question answered.
Luckily, I have found the scientific answer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R73yElC2BDc
watch the first 2:30 minutes and it will tell you.
(Raj slows it down when you do get dizzy; he is just nice like that)
Of course, if that answer is not romantic enough for you, Latro reminded me with the below, that there are some people in the world, spinning counterclockwise just to keep the Earth from going too fast.
http://xkcd.com/162/
Another day well spun, another question answered.
Declassified (But oh so classy)
About a fortnight ago, Yoda and Sonic embarked on a daring and treacherous mission. Their story can only now be released to the public.
Objective: Acquire gnome pictures
Location: Campus, Allegheny College
Code names: Mal, Zoe (in respect to those bad ass souls who were so mercilessly destroyed (aka cancelled by Fox))
Priority: Urgent (the fate of gnome week depends upon the success or failure of this mission)
The first task was to acquire said gnome, Norman. Fortunately, this went off without much of a hitch, as the protector of the gnome was away.
The adventurers then set off on their journey, heading to steffee, campus security, the gator quad, and the campus center.
There was an unfortunate happening when Norman somehow got himself trapped in a freezer, but everyone was ok.
Norman and his compatriots even stopped at the gym for a quick set of leg presses...
Norman also got to visit his good friend R2-D2. However, one of the most exciting moments of the evening came when Norman's friend, the Red Man, dropped in for a surprise visit!
After so much excitement it was finally time for Norman to go back to bed and Yoda and Sonic had acquired plenty of pictures.
Outcome: Mission Accomplished
Objective: Acquire gnome pictures
Location: Campus, Allegheny College
Code names: Mal, Zoe (in respect to those bad ass souls who were so mercilessly destroyed (aka cancelled by Fox))
Priority: Urgent (the fate of gnome week depends upon the success or failure of this mission)
The first task was to acquire said gnome, Norman. Fortunately, this went off without much of a hitch, as the protector of the gnome was away.
The adventurers then set off on their journey, heading to steffee, campus security, the gator quad, and the campus center.
There was an unfortunate happening when Norman somehow got himself trapped in a freezer, but everyone was ok.
Norman and his compatriots even stopped at the gym for a quick set of leg presses...
Norman also got to visit his good friend R2-D2. However, one of the most exciting moments of the evening came when Norman's friend, the Red Man, dropped in for a surprise visit!
After so much excitement it was finally time for Norman to go back to bed and Yoda and Sonic had acquired plenty of pictures.
Outcome: Mission Accomplished
Super Nerdy Tuesdays
Well, as we all know, it's a long week. And, since we just can't wait around for Anything Can Happen Thursdays, we've deemed every Tuesday, Super Nerdy Tuesday. Super Nerdy Tuesday will comprise of some amount of time spent being nerdy. I know, I know. You're thinking "how could we possibly be any nerdier?" Well, it's happening so pack your invisibility cloak, buckle up your utility belt, strap on your proton pack, and fire up the X-wing.
On the agenda tonight: Firefly and a reading of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
On the agenda tonight: Firefly and a reading of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
I smell steak!
Yesterday, the gorgeous ladies Yoda and Sonic were joined by their friend Captain Malcolm Reynolds in a trip to the Farmer's Market. There was much rejoicing over the bounteous supply of wholesome and healthy fruits and vegetables out for sale. Yoda walked away with a massive head of garlic, three ears of yellow corn, a quart of carrots, and a bundle of red potatoes. The potatoes were had with a bit of haggling, 40 potatoes were not needed for the meals ahead, just a few, namely 12. Sonic walked away with a bunch of delicious raspberries and three ears of corn, while the Captain gathered a couple of heavenly smelling peaches and fresh green beans. The rest of the day consisted of seeing a very large mural at a church and a double surprise party for the Captain and another friend.
This morning dawned slightly cloudy and mostly innocent. After a day of trying to be productive and work on their comps, Yoda and Sonic decided to make a dinner of beef, corn, carrots and potatoes and prepare stew for the morrow. The adventure begins...
After running to the store, acquiring a chuck roast, borrowing a crockpot, skyping with one long-distance boyfriend, and cleaning some much needed dishes, Yoda and Sonic started with cleaning the vegetables. Once the potatoes and carrots were nicely garlic-salted and in the toaster oven, and the corn was boiling in the hot pot, the ladies approached the more daunting task of how to cook the roast. Yoda, in capital rouge cook style, has an electric fryer-skillet thing which was expected to take care of the job. However, Yoda and Sonic were not quite aware of how much smoke is created from cooking roast that way. In hopes of not letting the smoke detector enjoy being obnoxious, Yoda, in her infinite wisdom, unplugged the skillet and stuck the skillet out the third story window before taking the lid off to ventilate the smoke.
After sticking the skillet out the window twice, Yoda decided it was not worth the anxiety and transfered the roast into her glass bread pan and had the roast join the potatoes and carrots in the toaster oven. It was about this time that a young boy walking up the stairs outside Yoda's room voiced the surprised title of this piece. "I smell steak!" he shouted. A bit later another girl lauded the cooking efforts, "It smells awesome in here! What is it?!" Yoda and Sonic may never cook a roast in a toaster oven again, but the subsequent four course meal (timing is a bit difficult in situations like these) was delectable.
The ladies now just hope they leave learning to make stew in a toaster oven for another day.
This morning dawned slightly cloudy and mostly innocent. After a day of trying to be productive and work on their comps, Yoda and Sonic decided to make a dinner of beef, corn, carrots and potatoes and prepare stew for the morrow. The adventure begins...
After running to the store, acquiring a chuck roast, borrowing a crockpot, skyping with one long-distance boyfriend, and cleaning some much needed dishes, Yoda and Sonic started with cleaning the vegetables. Once the potatoes and carrots were nicely garlic-salted and in the toaster oven, and the corn was boiling in the hot pot, the ladies approached the more daunting task of how to cook the roast. Yoda, in capital rouge cook style, has an electric fryer-skillet thing which was expected to take care of the job. However, Yoda and Sonic were not quite aware of how much smoke is created from cooking roast that way. In hopes of not letting the smoke detector enjoy being obnoxious, Yoda, in her infinite wisdom, unplugged the skillet and stuck the skillet out the third story window before taking the lid off to ventilate the smoke.
After sticking the skillet out the window twice, Yoda decided it was not worth the anxiety and transfered the roast into her glass bread pan and had the roast join the potatoes and carrots in the toaster oven. It was about this time that a young boy walking up the stairs outside Yoda's room voiced the surprised title of this piece. "I smell steak!" he shouted. A bit later another girl lauded the cooking efforts, "It smells awesome in here! What is it?!" Yoda and Sonic may never cook a roast in a toaster oven again, but the subsequent four course meal (timing is a bit difficult in situations like these) was delectable.
The ladies now just hope they leave learning to make stew in a toaster oven for another day.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Yes.
As evidenced by the Ents in The Lord of the Rings, trees are not always the nicest of living creatures.
Religion and Math: The Original Worldview
I'm tired of people asking! I'm tired of people's split, twisted, and fractured worldviews!
What does Math and Religion have in common? What can you do with both of those majors? That must be quite a split, doesn't it make your head hurt? Wow, those are at opposite sides of the spectrums!
I have one thing to say to you all: No, the combination of Math and Religion was the original worldview! Boo-yah! In the ancient days, humans wanted to find a way to explain the world around them and so started math and religion. The learned people were the religious people. Math was started by the religious people trying to understand the world. Religion was started by the mathematical people trying to find a cause for the world.
But wait! There's more!
Studying math and religion today gives a total spectrum view on logic, scientific thought, mechanics, politics, rhetoric, literature, art, and history! What could be better for a liberal-arts minded country where everyone should be a cookie-cutter well-rounded individual? Nothing! I am in the right! Math and Religion are going to reunite someday and take over the world like they conquered the world the first time! And I shall be at the front of such a conquest in pursuit of all those who have questioned the very basic foundations on which their civilized thought patterns and societal structure has been formed. I shall stand at attention in the line of historic mathematician-religious philosophers that have changed the way the world thinks and describes itself and I shall fear no human. You shall all know my name and my cause. I am here to bring an end to the ignorant, fractured view of Religion and Math!
Wake up Earth! The circle of Life is being reconnected!
What does Math and Religion have in common? What can you do with both of those majors? That must be quite a split, doesn't it make your head hurt? Wow, those are at opposite sides of the spectrums!
I have one thing to say to you all: No, the combination of Math and Religion was the original worldview! Boo-yah! In the ancient days, humans wanted to find a way to explain the world around them and so started math and religion. The learned people were the religious people. Math was started by the religious people trying to understand the world. Religion was started by the mathematical people trying to find a cause for the world.
But wait! There's more!
Studying math and religion today gives a total spectrum view on logic, scientific thought, mechanics, politics, rhetoric, literature, art, and history! What could be better for a liberal-arts minded country where everyone should be a cookie-cutter well-rounded individual? Nothing! I am in the right! Math and Religion are going to reunite someday and take over the world like they conquered the world the first time! And I shall be at the front of such a conquest in pursuit of all those who have questioned the very basic foundations on which their civilized thought patterns and societal structure has been formed. I shall stand at attention in the line of historic mathematician-religious philosophers that have changed the way the world thinks and describes itself and I shall fear no human. You shall all know my name and my cause. I am here to bring an end to the ignorant, fractured view of Religion and Math!
Wake up Earth! The circle of Life is being reconnected!
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